I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
