Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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