You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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