Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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