we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
