First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
