pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
