i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
