He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
