Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
