Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
