its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
