She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My ATM looks so different sober.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
