Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have fence marks all over my body
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