I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
