so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
