Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
