If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
