Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
