Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
