but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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