I didn't shave. On purpose
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
