They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
