I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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