I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
