i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have fence marks all over my body
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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