Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
