just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
