Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
