You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
