So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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