ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
