I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
