its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
