I want to stick my p in your. b.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
