Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
