Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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