I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
