I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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