your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
