Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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