by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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