have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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