no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
