hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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