Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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