I must be too annoying 4 u.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
