remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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