so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
