well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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