There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
