yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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