Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
