it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I could fuck to npr.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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