I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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