Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
