Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
