I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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