Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
