Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
