I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
