I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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