are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
