I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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