okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
